I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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