I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
