I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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