So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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