she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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