WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
