Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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