may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
