also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
