ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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