I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
