I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
