I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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