My first STD was from a foam party
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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