Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
