Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize