We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize