i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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