You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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