so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
