i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
