Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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