wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
