If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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