I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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