I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
