i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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