I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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