oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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