So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
