if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
