he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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