It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
