I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
