I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My vagina is officially offended.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
