and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
