I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
