Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
