theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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