did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I want is dick and wine.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
