i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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