They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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