im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
