I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
