who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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