Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My friends, they love my intelligence
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
