There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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