He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
