I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
