i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
