if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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