I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
