So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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