Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
