My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
