Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
