this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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