dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
