It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
