you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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