If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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