We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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