her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
