I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize