i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
