I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
