hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
