Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
