dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
