For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
