Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
