He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Banned from zoo.
Again?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i came on her dog
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
