I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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