My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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