No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
