I have demons in me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
