I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
